Claire! I have been trying so hard to carve out time to claw my way back to this post after you first shared it and so am so glad I did.
This had so many beautiful twists and turns and imagery throughout. What a story of resilience and worry and finding strength in pushing yourself forward that so many of us need. The visual of the gems and treasures in the darkness, as well as you opening the hatch with a shining light to then fall into the arms of your family was beyond masterful.
My husband has night terrors - less yelling, but very delusional about reality in those moments and DEFINITELY triggered and exacerbated by anxiety. That sketch of you sound asleep while your friends lay awake with their eyes propped open really hit home 😂 - both hilarious for me because I’ve lived something similar and also not hilarious because it’s scary!
So sorry you dealt/deal with that, but very glad it’s improved and that it inspired such an insightful and reflective piece! Thank you for sharing. ☺️
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Lacie! lol- I feel so bad for everyone who has to try to sleep in the same building as someone with nocturnal panic attacks 😱
LOL it is not something I ever even knew existed, but I feel for the ones having it too because I know it’s terrifying, even if only in your subconscious! 💕
This is incredibly moving. The older I get, the more I realize that my anxiety and depression are so often just trying to tell me what I'm missing to take care of myself. So beautiful, Claire. Thank you for sharing.
I only want to add to the chorus how moving this was, and being told through your beautiful drawings. So many of us feel less alone and perhaps inspired to be vulnerable ourselves. I love it all. Thank you for sharing!
This is so beautifully illustrated and moving, Claire. Thank you for sharing this with us all. Your openness and honesty about your panic attacks is something most people can relate to, I suspect. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and your marriage ending, but it sounds like you have found your new chapter with where you are now and are thriving. I must admit, I did chuckle at how your drew your friends' expressions when you put that you fell back asleep ... and I also smiled at the stuff falling out of the Mini (Mini driver here myself and know how much rubbish can both fall out and be shoved into those cars, lol). It was an absolute honour and joy to read this. 💚💛
lol! My mini trashcan on wheels 😅 All my cars ended up in this way and I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with having a car - another thing to collect all my mess.
😂😂 My Mini gets overloaded with all sorts, especially when I go on holiday, but at 17 years young he's - (yes he's named, lol) - still going strong. 😅💪
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing, Claire. It brought back memories. I remember my first panic attacks when I was a teenager. I'd suddenly wake up gasping for air, really, really struggling to breath, almost crawling. My parents would tell me, "this is anxiety!", and I would angrily reply: "do you think I don't know my body? I know when something is wrong with my LUNGS!" It was so obvious to me... However, a single diazepam usually resolved the crisis in the emergency room 👀 At least they helped me become more self-aware... 😅😔
Hey! It lasted 1-2 years max. The attacks were not super constant, though. And at least the pattern became clearer each time. I suppose that stage of our lives is complicated for everyone 🙂
Claire. You made me tear up. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable with us. And in such a gorgeous way, too. What a beautiful gift of storytelling you have. I knew it already, but you keep blowing my mind. As a hypnotherapist myself, it makes me so happy to see that it helped you on this journey of self-knowledge. I can relate to a lot in your story. Thank you again for this ♥️
Oh wow! Hypnotherapy is so cool and literally trippy. I just started again a month ago and again got a lot from the experience. It’s funny that at the time of the first hypnotherapy session I had t seen how life changing the session had been. I just really loved the image and have been wanting to draw it for decades. I see now that drawing it out showed me its value which is so amazing- crazy all that imagination when it is captured through art is capable of for us
I love that! Yess, some images really follow us years after a session, and I think drawing them is a great way to process them. I journal a lot, and writing has that effect for me too. We have the opportunity to step back from the experience and see it from the outside, making it easier to dissect and understand. I really love that for you, can't wait to see where it will take you 🔥
Ça m’a beaucoup remuée… quelle puissance dans cette mise en images. Je pense que c’est un excellent moyen d’extérioriser pour toi, et pour nous d’être touchés par ton expérience. En tous cas, quel courage de faire ses valises pour Paris ! Je n’y vois aucune faiblesse, juste de la force et une Super Maman ! (D’ailleurs la France est contente de vous avoir 🥰). Merci pour ce post qui m’a énormément touchée. Merci pour ces splendides illustrations ! C’est doux et plein d’énergie à la fois! Je n’arrive pas à l’expliquer mais on sent que c’est fait avec les tripes et le cœur ! Je vous souhaite le meilleur à tous 🥰
Ooooh merci!!! Oui avec les tripes et le cœur à cent pour-cent. Depuis que l’idée m’est arrivée il y’a deux semaines j’ai pas arrêté. Je suis tellement heureuse de voir que ça résonne ❤️
I love the roughness of these - but so free and expressive with the hand. Perhaps I shouldn't say "rough" - more raw, to go with what the content is. There's a healthy abandon going on here that tears it up yet knows what it needs and knows where it's enough. Great work, Claire!
(I hope, however, that doesn't diminish the pain you go through. My apologies if it feels that way. But this is great art, period - and that's what I want to honor, along with your bravery in getting this out there.)
Thanks! I’ve been trying to not get too attached to the images in my head and accept what’s on paper but I’ve still a long way to go. I agree that the rough pencil lines of these drawings help coney the emotions .I’m loving using graphite again
So, so beautiful!!
Thank you ❤️
Soooooo goooood!!!!
I couldn't stop reading this -- it's gorgeous.
Thank you ❤️❤️
Claire! I have been trying so hard to carve out time to claw my way back to this post after you first shared it and so am so glad I did.
This had so many beautiful twists and turns and imagery throughout. What a story of resilience and worry and finding strength in pushing yourself forward that so many of us need. The visual of the gems and treasures in the darkness, as well as you opening the hatch with a shining light to then fall into the arms of your family was beyond masterful.
My husband has night terrors - less yelling, but very delusional about reality in those moments and DEFINITELY triggered and exacerbated by anxiety. That sketch of you sound asleep while your friends lay awake with their eyes propped open really hit home 😂 - both hilarious for me because I’ve lived something similar and also not hilarious because it’s scary!
So sorry you dealt/deal with that, but very glad it’s improved and that it inspired such an insightful and reflective piece! Thank you for sharing. ☺️
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Lacie! lol- I feel so bad for everyone who has to try to sleep in the same building as someone with nocturnal panic attacks 😱
LOL it is not something I ever even knew existed, but I feel for the ones having it too because I know it’s terrifying, even if only in your subconscious! 💕
This is incredibly moving. The older I get, the more I realize that my anxiety and depression are so often just trying to tell me what I'm missing to take care of myself. So beautiful, Claire. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you ❤️❤️
I only want to add to the chorus how moving this was, and being told through your beautiful drawings. So many of us feel less alone and perhaps inspired to be vulnerable ourselves. I love it all. Thank you for sharing!
🥹🥹🥹thank you. This means so much to feel like my life is having an impact on others.
This is so beautifully illustrated and moving, Claire. Thank you for sharing this with us all. Your openness and honesty about your panic attacks is something most people can relate to, I suspect. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and your marriage ending, but it sounds like you have found your new chapter with where you are now and are thriving. I must admit, I did chuckle at how your drew your friends' expressions when you put that you fell back asleep ... and I also smiled at the stuff falling out of the Mini (Mini driver here myself and know how much rubbish can both fall out and be shoved into those cars, lol). It was an absolute honour and joy to read this. 💚💛
lol! My mini trashcan on wheels 😅 All my cars ended up in this way and I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with having a car - another thing to collect all my mess.
Thanks for your note and support ❤️
😂😂 My Mini gets overloaded with all sorts, especially when I go on holiday, but at 17 years young he's - (yes he's named, lol) - still going strong. 😅💪
Glad it's all working out for you. 💚
What a jewel this is. A healing gem.
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing, Claire. It brought back memories. I remember my first panic attacks when I was a teenager. I'd suddenly wake up gasping for air, really, really struggling to breath, almost crawling. My parents would tell me, "this is anxiety!", and I would angrily reply: "do you think I don't know my body? I know when something is wrong with my LUNGS!" It was so obvious to me... However, a single diazepam usually resolved the crisis in the emergency room 👀 At least they helped me become more self-aware... 😅😔
Oh my god - this is terrifying!!! I’m so sorry you went through this - how did you get to the other side? How long did it last?
Hey! It lasted 1-2 years max. The attacks were not super constant, though. And at least the pattern became clearer each time. I suppose that stage of our lives is complicated for everyone 🙂
Claire. You made me tear up. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable with us. And in such a gorgeous way, too. What a beautiful gift of storytelling you have. I knew it already, but you keep blowing my mind. As a hypnotherapist myself, it makes me so happy to see that it helped you on this journey of self-knowledge. I can relate to a lot in your story. Thank you again for this ♥️
Oh wow! Hypnotherapy is so cool and literally trippy. I just started again a month ago and again got a lot from the experience. It’s funny that at the time of the first hypnotherapy session I had t seen how life changing the session had been. I just really loved the image and have been wanting to draw it for decades. I see now that drawing it out showed me its value which is so amazing- crazy all that imagination when it is captured through art is capable of for us
I love that! Yess, some images really follow us years after a session, and I think drawing them is a great way to process them. I journal a lot, and writing has that effect for me too. We have the opportunity to step back from the experience and see it from the outside, making it easier to dissect and understand. I really love that for you, can't wait to see where it will take you 🔥
Ça m’a beaucoup remuée… quelle puissance dans cette mise en images. Je pense que c’est un excellent moyen d’extérioriser pour toi, et pour nous d’être touchés par ton expérience. En tous cas, quel courage de faire ses valises pour Paris ! Je n’y vois aucune faiblesse, juste de la force et une Super Maman ! (D’ailleurs la France est contente de vous avoir 🥰). Merci pour ce post qui m’a énormément touchée. Merci pour ces splendides illustrations ! C’est doux et plein d’énergie à la fois! Je n’arrive pas à l’expliquer mais on sent que c’est fait avec les tripes et le cœur ! Je vous souhaite le meilleur à tous 🥰
Ooooh merci!!! Oui avec les tripes et le cœur à cent pour-cent. Depuis que l’idée m’est arrivée il y’a deux semaines j’ai pas arrêté. Je suis tellement heureuse de voir que ça résonne ❤️
It’s wonderful! Thanks for sharing!✨
Thank you!!
Thank you for sharing…I was curious what brought you to Paris. La Tour Eiffel looks like one of the jewels.
I love this!! I didn’t think about that and I love that you make that connection. I see it now. And obviously the Eiffel Tower has been my jewel 🥹
Beautifully told. Thank you for sharing a glimpse of your journey with us.
Thank you for appreciating it 😍
I love the roughness of these - but so free and expressive with the hand. Perhaps I shouldn't say "rough" - more raw, to go with what the content is. There's a healthy abandon going on here that tears it up yet knows what it needs and knows where it's enough. Great work, Claire!
(I hope, however, that doesn't diminish the pain you go through. My apologies if it feels that way. But this is great art, period - and that's what I want to honor, along with your bravery in getting this out there.)
Thanks! I’ve been trying to not get too attached to the images in my head and accept what’s on paper but I’ve still a long way to go. I agree that the rough pencil lines of these drawings help coney the emotions .I’m loving using graphite again
Loved this!
(also, sorry to hear you had to go through panic attacks in your sleep - that sounds awful)
Thanks - yes it’s terrifying, literally. I actually had another one while making this. But they have decreased in intensity